I had a d and c a couple weeks ago. They were able to send off the baby to get tested. We went back today to find out the results. We found out that it was a SHE and she was abnormal. Story short they think that is what caused the miscarriage. She called it chromosome 8. We got referred to a infertility doctor for further testing. Reagan truly is a miracle.
You find yourself in deep sadness after a few miscarriages. You wait every day for the aching pains to go away. They say not to fill a void, but sometimes if you truly find something you know that'll make you happy you need to do it. You will never forget your babies that you've lost, but you have to find yourself again. I was finding myself to be lazy and not having any intention. I decided to get a dog, Charlie, the goldendoodle. Because I knew he would bring joy. He is my therapy dog. I mean this in a way that you still should grieve and cry. Because its good for the soul to get it out. I can already tell these past few days that I've had him he gives me purpose and intention. I've never been up this early every day in a long time. Reagan sleeps in until 8am-8:30 everyday ( thank goodness.) So far I catch myself waking up with him with no problem. Enjoying my peace of quiet with coffee and working out before everyone wakes up. I think God wants me to find peace and be still. It's what he has been telling me for a long time, but I just couldn't find a way to do it. I love taking care of my people and animals. I'm a giver and a lover. I often forget to take care of myself, Mentally especially. I'm curious to see where this journey goes. Because today I finally feel good about myself and knowing that I can trust God in my life wherever he takes me. I'm hoping after all of this that I feel blessed and grateful. I want to try to be positive every day and be glad that my heart is still beating. I have a purpose.
